Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
