So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
