so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
