All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
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then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
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She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
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