Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
