I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
