I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
We are all done wearing pants today
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Randomize
