i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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