I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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