So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
