i wish my penis had a tongue
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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