Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
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That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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