Im at strip club and am horny
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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