last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
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