Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Randomize
