I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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