I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize