Do you still have your period?
People in love make me want to vomit
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
