I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
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Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
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