She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
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