I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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