paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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