you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
