im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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