I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I could fuck to npr.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
