i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Randomize
