I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I wish there were birth control emojis
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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