Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
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Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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