I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize