Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I want to walk on stilts...naked
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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