so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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