I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
