you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
