highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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