Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
