This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
