i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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