party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I need to align my fucking chakras
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
