I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
