Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
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Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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