the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
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