is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Randomize
