You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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