how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
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He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
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I won't apologize to a one balled man
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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