So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
