I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
