I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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