I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
