Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
