theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
