I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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