It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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