I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
