He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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