I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
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