I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
