i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
