I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
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