She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
