you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize