You really coming over, don't trick.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
