i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
